Communication

I have a choice, I can talk to my friends in person or I can write this thing which proves I am alive. I am always in a constant deficit when it comes to communication, I think about my friends and relatives a lot more than actually contacting them but I always hope that the extent of our relationship allows that we still know each other intimately the second that we do actually connect and for the most part this is true. I often excuse myself from the nitty gritty confident in the knowledge that I love them dearly and will give them my time whenever necessary; not enough for some - but plenty for many.

I enter this topic in a roundabout way as I review this year's Thanksgiving holidays. The actual Thanksgiving dinner was a lovely affair involving our parents, siblings, nieces and nephews. Our "2nd Thanksgiving" meal started out as a mere invitation to dinner to greet relatives from abroad; my father's sister was in town and my brother and his wife ended up throwing what amounted to a 2nd Thanksgiving banquet on Saturday. I thought I had sealed the deal with my 20 person spread but they had nearly 30, all of them relatives, including many first cousins, on my father's side.

It was fascinating to me to meet so many blood relatives that I barely knew, some I had never met. I thought about the meaning of family, which to me is my mom and my siblings, the people I grew up with. My family is multi-national and we simply have all not been in the same countries at the same time to forge meaningful relationships. My brother grew up to seek more of his extended family, him and his wife much more in tune with that particular round table. I am never sure if his enthusiasm for family connection means that he should automatically include me, give out my phone number and bring me into a "family fold."

My older brother enjoyed the gathering most of all which was surprising since he has pretty steadfastly held onto his protectorate, his state within which very few relatives reside. This is understandable since we grew up as immigrants in a country where we had virtually no relatives to speak of so making these types of connections was extremely limited, separated by oceans and by extension, unfamiliarity, in a previous era with expensive long distance phone calls, no email, no cell phones, no world wide web and no advanced telecommunications as we know them today.

In my old world, we were supposed to write letters, seal them and send them and communicate all that was of value and for most, it did not always work out smoothly and that was ok; we didn't have any immediate ways to imagine at the time. The urgency of cell phone communication, email, instant messaging and texting sometimes sets me back a little, wondering what there is that is so important to say that it can't wait. And true to form when you are privy to these types of messages, the value sometimes is of so little importance that what could be said could have easily waited for a landline or even a letter.